Recently, I went along with Casey so he could meet a local pagan gentleman who wanted to seek some guidance. Casey offered to meet with him and answer whatever questions he was able. I went along with the prospects of meeting a nice person who wasn't a total flake. Tim turned out to be a godsend.
Tim is in the same place I am. He is a long-term solitary student and is doubtful if solitary is right for him anymore. I've had that same feeling for a while, but it has been very difficult for me to come to terms with the idea that I may have to accept the bullshit of group work. I have an uber-low tolerance for bullshit and I hate being invalidated by someone who thinks they know more than me. It sounded like Tim had the same issues.
As I listened, much of what Tim said rang true for me. It was clear that it was time for me to get out of my own way and start some regular practice. For too long I have been functioning on the fringe of my spiritual path. I have learned a great deal over the years because I am an active reader and I quickly understand concepts. But none of that means I can do what the concepts describe. What I need is daily practice at some of the things I wish I could do.
Tim and I differ in one major area. Whereas he is a strong empath able to both receive and project emotional energy, I can only receive. I am strongly earthly connected. Though it makes me great with herbal medicine and relating to animals, I am nearly incapable of crossing the astral threshold with my memory intact. More likely I have done it but didn't know I was doing it. My attempts at journey-work has shown that.
Today I tried again to journey. My biggest problem is that I don't know what to expect - what it will feel like - so I don't know when I've done it. Today, I felt some energy moving around in my body, but my mind wouldn't let go. I had to try to stop active watching of the mental movie behind my forehead. It was clear that the journey was not going to be a movie, it was going to be a play in which I was cast. It wouldn't be a case of me watching a screen, it would be a case of being moved around in another place. I had to be open to all of my senses producing information. I had to stop trying to notice what I was feeling and just let it feel. In a way I had to just trust that it would happen and that I would be okay It reminded me of the way my mind wanders when I'm reading but not really absorbing the words. I get through a paragraph and I have no idea what was written. It was also like relaxing my vision when my eyes are trying hard to focus on an image. Sometimes its difficult to overcome that automatic operation of the body. I my case, My mind was trying to automatically focus its attention. I had to tell my mind it was okay to be inattentive. It felt like when I was a kid; I used to go underwater and allow my body to completely relax and drift with the water currents.
I'm making progress because I'm learning to let go. I think this lesson will carry much further than just journey work. I'm going to focus my attention on just letting go. When I can succeed at entering the proper state without my mind mucking things up, I will then focus on directing my journeys to one of the dreamtime realms.
